Stuff to Read While Bored at Work Issue #1

Inspiring (or Not) Thought:

Always try to achieve your potential 3 print by disgruntled_genius

Apparently there was a Linux T-Shirt Contest That I Missed

Next time, Gadget, next time.

Women in Open Source Computer Technologies Tee Shirts by disgruntled_genius

Stop letting Salary.com lead you down the wrong path...

This is mostly a problem for companies with very little IT experience. I imagine that something like this happens they decide to hire a new employee: the network admin/help desk person/DBA/IT manager finally gets approval to hire a reporting analyst after years of begging. The requisition goes to an accounting clerk/HR lead for ranking. The clerk types "report writer" in the Salary.com search box, gets $58K back as median salary, and decides that $55K-$60K is a good range. The IT manager get the requisition back and cries because no one sane or good is going to accept the position at that pay range...

Laughing Face: My employees expect to get raises by disgruntled_genius

Your problem is that you are too hung up on job titles rather than what you actually expect the person to do. Consider this "report writer" job description snippet:

• Directs organizational business intelligence initiatives
• Uses industry knowledge and experience to recommend reporting packages to stakeholders
• Prepares reports using data mining, statistical analysis, and other advanced analytical techniques
• Requires BA in mathematics, finance, computer science, other computational field, or equivalent work experience
• MBA preferred

Do you really think a person meeting these qualifications can be found for $55K? Seriously?

This is why it takes you so long to fill a position. None of those $55K candidates have a clue how to do what you need done. But do you know who does? A $90K database analyst...

Anyone who can calculate your business statistics can calculate their own value as well...

Thinking about what's really important...

There's a point to this. I promise. And we'll there eventually... So just buckle up and enjoy the ride.

This post is pieces* of about 3 separate thoughts all smushed together. Like Smashburger... MMM, Smashburger.

Thought #1: College

Why did you go/are you going/do you want to go to college?

Everyone else is more excited about my impending graduation (gift hint) than I am. But they don't know the truth; that this degree is worth about as much as the ink and paper** it is printed on. And of course the tuition that I paid for it. What's important about college is the experience, not the class. And unfortunately, since I did it all online, this time around was light on experience. Now, don't get me wrong, college opens doors. Doors that might not be open otherwise. But you have to decide whether or not these are doors you want to walk through in the first place.

Thought #2: Dreams

There's a secret about corporate America that few people seem to know: the inmates are running the asylum.

There's a fundamental disconnect between my skill-set and my dreams. I'm not quite sure how it happened, but I am really good at something that I pretty much loathe doing. Ridiculously good. Good to the point that I can make large amounts of money doing it with very little effort. Now don't get me wrong, I like money, a lot. But not enough to continue doing what I hate for it. It's true that dreams are about as fulling as cotton candy, but life is too short to hate yourself.

Thought #3: Death

Now we get to the point of this whole thing: Death.

This post is one of the saddest things I have ever read. Almost unbearably sad. Remember, work will be here tomorrow***, but your coworkers might not. Many times you're not losing them to death, but because of transfers, terminations, or resignations. Everyone leaves eventually. We spend a lot of time with our coworkers; so shouldn't we make the most of that time? And make the most of those experiences? (See how it all ties together with a little bow now?) This is why I don't believe in resignation happy hours. If we're friends or friendish**** or whatever, then every moment together is precious and we should have happy days.

*See what I did there?
** Trust me, and go with paper. The sheepskin is way more trouble that it's worth.
***We've covered this before. I think. At least I meant to.
****It's a word if I say so.

FUN: I don't think that word means what you think it means...

This is how you have fun at work:

True leaders seize the bull by the horns (L) by disgruntled_genius

This is how you piss me off:
Think that you can do my job better than me.

Leave the fun stuff to the experts.

I have a gut feeling that it is time for a new job

Warning: This post contains discussions of human bodily functions. Reader discretion is advised.

Mocking Face: Ha Ha I just quit my job by disgruntled_genius.

And my stomach is very sensitive and very, very smart.

So when I say that I have a gut feeling, I mean that literally:

• Danger: My stomach sees all and knows all.
• Fear: My stomach knows when you are scared.
• Disgust & Annoyance: My stomach is especially tuned to these.

But my stomach is most adept at detecting unnecessary stress. And frankly my stomach has a very clear definition of when stress is and when it is not necessary.

Is there a life facing eminent peril? So first responders, soldiers, and ER personnel? Their stress is valid. The rest of us? We can chill out.

Now you probably thinking "But what about my job as a..." Stop right there and really think about the stressor you are going to tell my stomach about. (For example, did you get upset about the construction of the previous sentence? Did getting upset get you anything other than mad? See, that was unnecessary.) Is your stress because someone is about to die, or is it because of over work, coworker incompetence, or just plain old poor planning by management ? Signs you need to look for a new boss...

My stomach thinks this day-to-day work drama isn't necessary. Look, all my stomach wants you to do is accept the choices that you have made, and let the rest of it go. The rest meaning the choices of other people. Is this an overly simple philosophy? Well yes, but what kind of reasoning do you expect from a stomach? It likes Big Macs. Have you seen what goes into those?

Unfortunately, I don't get the same break. My stomach, being the overachiever that it is, demands that I live a peaceful, smart, and intentioned life. And it takes every opportunity to remind me when I'm not.

Hey Recruiters: Y U No Listen to Me...

When I tell you how to do your job?

See this face?

Yeah this face right here...

Scary Face: I'm not your personal tech support by disgruntled_genius

It is very similar to the face I made when one of you stalked me to my current job and hung up on the receptionist when she asked why you were calling...

Seriously, did we not just talk about this stuff?

And sending me text messages? When I don't know you? Do you know what I think when an unknown number pops up on my phone?

Who is this person? Why are they contacting me? Is someone trying to hack my phone or steal my bank account information?

Recently, recruiters have turned to the tactics of telemarketers and spammers by doing "job spam" email blasts to anyone with a pulse. But this just creates unnecessary work for everyone now that such a large number of people are desperate for a (better) job. In the past, you would just ignore an email about a job that was out in left field. But now, people will throw their resumes at anything in the hope that something will stick. Then the recruiter has to deal with a deluge of unqualified candidates. But this assumes that they are actually trying to fill a real position...

Here's what would be much more effective: actually reading a candidate's resume and only sending him or her positions that make sense. And don't forget to include a complete job description, salary information, and location details in your initial communications!

Now this is mainly for IT recruiters. The rest of you are on your own...