Stuff to Read While Bored at Work [Issue #3]

Inspiring (or Not) Thought:

2013 Calendar Running Employee Poster by disgruntled_genius
 

Interesting Links:
There Are No Women On StackOverflow… Or Are There?

• Remember back in bad old days when women had to hid behind masculine pseudonyms?

Catch-22: Tech Blogging As a Woman

• No, seriously, the women are right in front of you...

Language Matters: Stop Using “Guys” to Address Mix-Gender Groups

• "Every time I read “you guys” I am reminded of my minority status in an industry that is predominantly male." But note, "gentlemen and lady" unnecessarily singles me out...

On Technical Entitlement

• Stop scaring the newbies away

9 Surefire Ways To Destroy Employee Morale

• How many recruiters are contacting IT workers on a daily basis? Think about that along with how expensive it is to replace an employee.

Top 10 Ways to be Happy at Work

• You have to work for it... (ba-dum ching)

Life After College Graduation

• The first year after graduation is the hardest...

Are You Stuck in a Dead End Job?

• Better question: Why are you staying in a dead end job?

Why Coding "Big Boobs" is no Joke

These days it seems like everyone is trying encourage women to participate more in STEM. Well, apparently not everyone...

For an example, let's take a look at some articles that have been blowing up the intertubes today:

• Microsoft code contains the phrase 'big boobs' ... Yes, really
• Microsoft Removes Embarrassing 'Big Boobs' String From Linux Code
• Microsoft 'Big Boobs' gaffe points to wider industry problems for women in tech

For anyone who thinks that this is "just a joke," let's try a little thought experiment. Imagine that instead of in code, "Big Boobies" was written on the whiteboard in your office. Imagine "Big Boobies" on stickers all over your desk. Imagine it written on your ID badge. Imagine it written all over your car. Imagine it all over your house. Imagine that when people looked at you, they only saw a set of boobs, and ignored your worth as a person. Do you know how exponentially more stressful a job interview is when you not only have to defend your work, but also your very being?

This is not a joke; this is the very definition of what a hostile environment is. Only for women, it's not limited to one company or even one industry. It's in movies. It's on TV. It's in magazines. It's all over the Internet. It is everywhere we go. This is not a "gaffe"; this is not a "mistake." This is an insult to half of the world's population. So, no, I won''t be "getting over" crap like this; I will be calling it out whenever I see it, and I hope that others continue to do the same as well.

Note: This item is an expanded version of a comment posted elsewhere.
Note2: Please forgive any typographical or grammatical errors. My brain still hasn't recovered from finishing my Masters in computer science earlier this year...

Your mom wants you to be careful on facebook for a reason

Computer Memory by egogenius

Stuff to Read While Bored at Work Issue #2

Inspiring (or Not) Thought:

Progress by Standing on the Shoulders of Giants XL Print by disgruntled_genius

Stuff to Read While Bored at Work Issue #1

Inspiring (or Not) Thought:

Always try to achieve your potential 3 print by disgruntled_genius

Apparently there was a Linux T-Shirt Contest That I Missed

Next time, Gadget, next time.

Women in Open Source Computer Technologies Tee Shirts by disgruntled_genius

Stop letting Salary.com lead you down the wrong path...

This is mostly a problem for companies with very little IT experience. I imagine that something like this happens they decide to hire a new employee: the network admin/help desk person/DBA/IT manager finally gets approval to hire a reporting analyst after years of begging. The requisition goes to an accounting clerk/HR lead for ranking. The clerk types "report writer" in the Salary.com search box, gets $58K back as median salary, and decides that $55K-$60K is a good range. The IT manager get the requisition back and cries because no one sane or good is going to accept the position at that pay range...

Laughing Face: My employees expect to get raises by disgruntled_genius

Your problem is that you are too hung up on job titles rather than what you actually expect the person to do. Consider this "report writer" job description snippet:

• Directs organizational business intelligence initiatives
• Uses industry knowledge and experience to recommend reporting packages to stakeholders
• Prepares reports using data mining, statistical analysis, and other advanced analytical techniques
• Requires BA in mathematics, finance, computer science, other computational field, or equivalent work experience
• MBA preferred

Do you really think a person meeting these qualifications can be found for $55K? Seriously?

This is why it takes you so long to fill a position. None of those $55K candidates have a clue how to do what you need done. But do you know who does? A $90K database analyst...

Anyone who can calculate your business statistics can calculate their own value as well...

Thinking about what's really important...

There's a point to this. I promise. And we'll there eventually... So just buckle up and enjoy the ride.

This post is pieces* of about 3 separate thoughts all smushed together. Like Smashburger... MMM, Smashburger.

Thought #1: College

Why did you go/are you going/do you want to go to college?

Everyone else is more excited about my impending graduation (gift hint) than I am. But they don't know the truth; that this degree is worth about as much as the ink and paper** it is printed on. And of course the tuition that I paid for it. What's important about college is the experience, not the class. And unfortunately, since I did it all online, this time around was light on experience. Now, don't get me wrong, college opens doors. Doors that might not be open otherwise. But you have to decide whether or not these are doors you want to walk through in the first place.

Thought #2: Dreams

There's a secret about corporate America that few people seem to know: the inmates are running the asylum.

There's a fundamental disconnect between my skill-set and my dreams. I'm not quite sure how it happened, but I am really good at something that I pretty much loathe doing. Ridiculously good. Good to the point that I can make large amounts of money doing it with very little effort. Now don't get me wrong, I like money, a lot. But not enough to continue doing what I hate for it. It's true that dreams are about as fulling as cotton candy, but life is too short to hate yourself.

Thought #3: Death

Now we get to the point of this whole thing: Death.

This post is one of the saddest things I have ever read. Almost unbearably sad. Remember, work will be here tomorrow***, but your coworkers might not. Many times you're not losing them to death, but because of transfers, terminations, or resignations. Everyone leaves eventually. We spend a lot of time with our coworkers; so shouldn't we make the most of that time? And make the most of those experiences? (See how it all ties together with a little bow now?) This is why I don't believe in resignation happy hours. If we're friends or friendish**** or whatever, then every moment together is precious and we should have happy days.

*See what I did there?
** Trust me, and go with paper. The sheepskin is way more trouble that it's worth.
***We've covered this before. I think. At least I meant to.
****It's a word if I say so.

FUN: I don't think that word means what you think it means...

This is how you have fun at work:

True leaders seize the bull by the horns (L) by disgruntled_genius

This is how you piss me off:
Think that you can do my job better than me.

Leave the fun stuff to the experts.

I have a gut feeling that it is time for a new job

Warning: This post contains discussions of human bodily functions. Reader discretion is advised.

Mocking Face: Ha Ha I just quit my job by disgruntled_genius.

And my stomach is very sensitive and very, very smart.

So when I say that I have a gut feeling, I mean that literally:

• Danger: My stomach sees all and knows all.
• Fear: My stomach knows when you are scared.
• Disgust & Annoyance: My stomach is especially tuned to these.

But my stomach is most adept at detecting unnecessary stress. And frankly my stomach has a very clear definition of when stress is and when it is not necessary.

Is there a life facing eminent peril? So first responders, soldiers, and ER personnel? Their stress is valid. The rest of us? We can chill out.

Now you probably thinking "But what about my job as a..." Stop right there and really think about the stressor you are going to tell my stomach about. (For example, did you get upset about the construction of the previous sentence? Did getting upset get you anything other than mad? See, that was unnecessary.) Is your stress because someone is about to die, or is it because of over work, coworker incompetence, or just plain old poor planning by management ? Signs you need to look for a new boss...

My stomach thinks this day-to-day work drama isn't necessary. Look, all my stomach wants you to do is accept the choices that you have made, and let the rest of it go. The rest meaning the choices of other people. Is this an overly simple philosophy? Well yes, but what kind of reasoning do you expect from a stomach? It likes Big Macs. Have you seen what goes into those?

Unfortunately, I don't get the same break. My stomach, being the overachiever that it is, demands that I live a peaceful, smart, and intentioned life. And it takes every opportunity to remind me when I'm not.

Hey Recruiters: Y U No Listen to Me...

When I tell you how to do your job?

See this face?

Yeah this face right here...

Scary Face: I'm not your personal tech support by disgruntled_genius

It is very similar to the face I made when one of you stalked me to my current job and hung up on the receptionist when she asked why you were calling...

Seriously, did we not just talk about this stuff?

And sending me text messages? When I don't know you? Do you know what I think when an unknown number pops up on my phone?

Who is this person? Why are they contacting me? Is someone trying to hack my phone or steal my bank account information?

Recently, recruiters have turned to the tactics of telemarketers and spammers by doing "job spam" email blasts to anyone with a pulse. But this just creates unnecessary work for everyone now that such a large number of people are desperate for a (better) job. In the past, you would just ignore an email about a job that was out in left field. But now, people will throw their resumes at anything in the hope that something will stick. Then the recruiter has to deal with a deluge of unqualified candidates. But this assumes that they are actually trying to fill a real position...

Here's what would be much more effective: actually reading a candidate's resume and only sending him or her positions that make sense. And don't forget to include a complete job description, salary information, and location details in your initial communications!

Now this is mainly for IT recruiters. The rest of you are on your own...

Website Development is a DIV Eat DIV Career Choice

Website development is a competitive career choice by disgruntled_genius

An open letter to job candidates

Dear Candidates:

If you are coming to an interview for a technical position, be prepared for a technical assessment. Assume that one is going to be given even if no one has explicitly told you to prepare for it. If nothing else, you will sound much more intelligent answering the standard interview questions.

Now as a database professional, I have some special advice for people seeking SQL centric positions:

Know RDBMS fundamentals like the back of your hand. 

I don't care what your job title is; I expect you to have this is basic knowledge. Don't tell me: "I'm a report writer; I don't need to know that normalization stuff." Yes you do. How can I trust your results if you don't understand and know how to correct for the anomalies 1NF produces. If your resume says that you use SQL, you need to actually know how to use it and be able to prove that to me.

The secret to working with high class "talent"

I fear that the word "arrogance" is about to raise its head again...

But at my career level, the commission for a recruiter (or more likely the firm) is going to be around $20K. For that amount of money, I feel that I should get something for salary I am giving up.

Some guy I don't know (but who is apparently big SQL stuff) named James Serra wrote a very excellent post from the standpoint of a candidate in the recruiting process. While I agree with most of his points, our different needs and lifestyles mean that we don't necessarily want to same thing from a job. So here is my own interpretation of some of his rules:

• Don’t call first. Send me an email...

This is why my phone number is not even listed on my resume. With the number of calls I get, I'd need a personal assistant to actually keep up. There are 20 unheard messages in my inbox right now. And that's after I cleaned it up this morning... I can weed out a recruiter very quickly over email, but voicemail takes work. There are two things that get you deleted immediately: being from out of town and sending me bad positions. More on that second one later. The problem with out of town recruiters is that they don't know local culture, market conditions, or geography. These things are very important.

• When you do email, send a description of the job, and indicate the pay rate and job location, start date and contract length...

After job duties, location, and salary are the two most important things for me to know. And if the job if is more than 15 mins from my house, I really not interested. A downtown location is really not a plus for me.

• Read my resume…

Seriously, just because I have .net and cf on my resume doesn't make me a developer in those languages. My role is to work along side them, not in them. This will also make me delete your message immediately.

• Don’t send me full-time exempt positions. I am only interested in contract positions...

I am actually the exact opposite on this one. Until Congress decides on a national health care system, I need access to an affordable group medical insurance plan so full-time direct hire only please. And none of that "contract to hire" crap. COBRA is around $500 a month...

• Don’t call my home phone. I wish I could figure out how some of you get that number.

Double seriously on this. And don't just call and hang up; I have caller ID.

• Don’t ask me to come to your office so you can meet me. Offer to buy me lunch at a place close to me...

I have only had one recruiter meet me a location convenient to me. She's one of the two I still talk to and refer others to regularly...

• Don’t ask for my resume unless you have an actual position you are recruiting for...

Actually, don't ask for my resume at all... You have my resume already. It is how you contacted me in the first place. It didn't change overnight...

Friday Free For All

Turn your sound up!

My SOPA Story... #StopSOPA

Think that SOPA/PIPA won't affect you? Sit back, and I will tell you the tale* of "The Project Manager Who Couldn't Get a SharePoint Report".

The star of this story is T., the project manager, but the story does not begin with her. It starts with J., the developer who needed a tiny, little snippet of vbscript...

9:00AM Anytown, USA
J: SOPA!!!...  
<insert sound of snickering coworkers.>

9:30AM Anytown, USA
T: Good morning, J. 
J: Ha! 
T: What's wrong? 
J: You know that SharePoint report you had me create? 
T: Oh, yes. Management is very impressed by what you have done so far and is anxious to see the latest changes. 
J: Well it won't be today. 
T: Why not? 
J: SOPA. 
T: Sofa? You are sick on the sofa? 
J: No, SOPA. The legislation in congress that threatens the free expression of ideas on the Internet including the snippet of code I need to finish this report. 
T: SOPA!!!... 
J: Yes...
T: Well, what can I do? 
J: Educate yourself about SOPA & PIPA and then take action to prevent them. Google has a link on its homepage about the danger these bills pose to the Internet as we know it.

9:45AM Anytown, USA
T: This stuff is not right! Thanks for telling me about it. I'm going to send my representative a message right now.
J: Great! But you still aren't getting that report until tomorrow. 
T: Curses.

*Although the names were changed, this actually did happen today during the SOPA/PIPA protest site blackouts. Imagine how much worse it could be if sites were permanently lost...

That's what happens when you hire "yes men"

 Ever find yourself with that "why does it feel like I have to do everything myself" feeling? It's your own fault.

What management does when filling an open position:
finds someone who seems manageable and who won't make a lot of trouble by trying to change the way things are done.

What management should do:
find someone who will advocate for the best option even when it means that the boat will get rocked.

The trials of deskside support...

Signs you need a new computer 3 by egogenius
View other Twisted humor T-Shirts

Young Grasshopper, You Still Have a Lot to Learn

They call me Mr. Tibbs...

Not really. Because that wouldn't make any sense.  But some do call me arrogant. And with cause I suppose. I once had someone who interviewed me for a job tell me later, much later, that he felt like he was the one being interviewed. (Yeah guy, sorry about that...)

Not to brag excessively or anything (a little bragging is OK), but I have a unique and highly desired (by some) skill set. One of my New Years to do items was to update my resume and post a fresh copy of it on Dice (if you are in IT don't waste time on Careerbuilder or Monster). This led to a flood of emails, phone calls, and Linkedin invitations from various local and not so local IT recruiters. This actually happens every time I update my resume. And is why I list a PO box and use a throw away email. (Right now, my boss is crying but he can't figure out why...)

But despite this popularity, I never allow myself to become complacent. The true height of arrogance in an IT professional is thinking that you have nothing to learn.  IT is about constant learning, knowledge sharing, and building on the work done before. Successful IT professionals devote some part of everyday to learning. And anyone who doesn't want to make this commitment should get out of the business.

Next time, we will discuss how listening to the words that come out of my mouth can improve your productivity.